I have no idea how to head this

I don't know what to say.

For once in my life I have no words. Actually I do. I feel like screaming FUCK over and over and over and over, but even if I do, I would still feel the same and it wouldn't change a thing. And that's why I want to scream it, because I can't change a thing. I don't cry. Not for anyone but my child. But today I did cry. Out of shock and frustration and sadness and disappointment and the feeling that some how something very unfair just transpired in front of me.

How can I nor anyone else not be able to change this? How can you want to put yourself in the path of someone else's pain to keep it from coming, but not be able to? How can we as humans call ourselves in control of our own destiny, when NOTHING we do will prevent this? When no matter how hard we pray, the choice isn't ours whether someone so close to your heart will have hers broken into a million pieces. And all we can do is watch it happen and offer words of support that will still not glue her heart back together the way it was a year ago.

I have very few friends. I count those with my work email address as my friends, how sad is that? But the few friends I have I will protect in ANYWAY possible, the same as with my child. This is why I feel like screaming, because I can't protect anyone here. Not my friend, not the children involved. And although I know my friend will get through this, I also know that she just started this road and the hardest part is yet to come. And I can't show her an alternative route, not even one. I am not used to being unable to make things right or different. I am not used to being forced into being a spectator, and even if I can't do anything I will still walk this road with her even if it's a few steps behind her, so she isn't alone.

I haven't felt this numb and shattered in a very very long time.