Avoiding the Inevitable

I sold my wedding dress this morning. The lady came to pick it up, she is getting married in two weeks. So this is the end of an era for me. Only people don't tell you that when your dreams are shattered you can actually pick up the pieces and sell it one by one.

I didn't sell it because I wanted to, more because I had to. It was my dream dress, the one I had wanted my whole life. So even if I do eventually decide to get married it won't be in the one dress I really dreamed about. I sold it because people don't understand that I kept the dress to just look at it, because even though I didn't get to wear it, it was still mine. I had to sell it because people thought as long as I have the damn dress, I am not over it.

I am alwats the last to find out about someone's engagement or wedding plans. Somehow people think that you never really get over being dumped three weeks before your wedding. Really, I got to phone the guests and tell them the wedding is off, I am pretty sure I can handle the news of somebody's engagement.

People talk around the subject of weddings and engagements with me. When they mention the words by accident it's like they get a fright and immediately get that fucking look on their faces as if they are sympathising with me for someone else getting married. I have a friend who's husband recently got diagnosed with cancer and soon she will know exactly what I refer to. People will start avoiding words like "death" and "cancer" or anything related to the fact of her being terminally ill. They pretend if they don't say it it doesn't exist. Believe me, it won't hurt as more if you utter the words, it sometimes hurt because you try to avoid it all together. You cannot compare losing a husband to illness with getting dumped on your wedding day, but you get treated much the same way by those around you.

So that was the last of my wedding stuff I had, and yes I am sad as hell. Sad because I didn't try it on one last time and sad because I didn't sell it sooner.

It's just a dress anyway.


Bottom of the Ocean - Miley Cyrus

It's been in the past for a while
I get a flash and I smile
Am I crazy?
Still miss you baby

It was real, it was right
But it burned too hot to survive
All that's left is
All these ashes

Where does the love go?
I don't know
When it's all said and done
How could I be losing you forever?
After all the time we spent together

I have to know why
I had to lose you
Now you've just become
Like everything I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean

Do do do
Do do do do
Do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do do

In a dream you appeared
For a while you were here
So I keep sleeping
Just to keep you with me

I'll draw a map
Connect the dots
With all the memories that I've got
What I'm missing
I'll keep re-living

Where does the love go?
I don't know
When it's all said and done
How could I be losing you forever?
After all the time we spent together

I have to know why
I had to lose you
Now you've just become
Like everything I'll never find again
At the bottom of the ocean

[speaking:]
This is it
Let go
Breathe

[sung:]
You don't have to love me
For me to, baby, ever understand
Just know I love the time that we both had
And I don't ever want to see you sad, be happy
Cause I don't want to hold you
If you don't want to tell me you love me babe
Just know I'm gonna have to walk away
I'll be big enough for both of us to say, be happy

Do do do
Do do do do (be happy)
Do do do do do do do (be happy)
Do do do do do do do
Be happy

Mmmm....
Be happy